As promised, here are the steps to identify negative thinking. We’re going to play a little game. Ready? Pretend that the negative voice in your head actually isn’t you, but instead, it’s an awful, bitchy woman who reside within your brain. By identifying this woman we will be able to take the first step towards quieting her voice and taking back our control. Try this exercise after you’ve spent one week documenting your negative, self-sabotaging thoughts.
When you’re ready, get out a pen and paper and start answering the questions below:
- What is the woman’s name who lives inside your brain? Here are some ideas: Polly the Perfectionist, Anxious Annie, Never Good Enough Nellie, Critical Chris…and so on, you get the point.
- Describe her physical characteristics, including her voice, stance, attire, height, and body posture.
- What are her favorite sayings or stories?
- What are her habits?
- What do you do that gets her anxious and on alert?
- How does she like to spend her time when you are not available to her? For example, when you’re sleeping, or just havin’ a damn good time!
- What are her skills and abilities?
- What are her values?
- What is her secret fear?
- How does she hijack your values?
When you’re finished answering these questions, get out a blank piece of paper and some colored pencils, markers or crayons, and draw a picture of this woman. Use this picture to remind you that she is not you, and that you are able to choose to be in control of her.
“Before coaching, I felt like I wasn't an active participant in my own life. Jessie May helped me overcome my negative internal thoughts and challenged me to live a more dynamic life in line with my true passions. I am happy to say that I am no longer living passively and am actively engaged in my daily decisions and interactions! I am well on my way to achieving a challenging goal of 105 social events in 365 days! I feel much more confident in my abilities to take charge of my life and create my destiny. Jessie May is so much fun to work with and is genuinely committed to seeing her clients achieve their full potential!”
“Jessie May helped me go from being an anxious, emotional train wreck to actually driving a life I love. I’ve been able to recognize my core values and make my personal and professional lives reflect these values. Whenever I’m drifting into action based on “shoulds” rather than what I know I want in my heart, Jessie May never fails to call me on it. She supports me in making decisions to achieve what I want by guiding me back to the path I have chosen whenever I start to stray.”
"In a short period of time, Jessie May brought me through feelings of hopelessness, to a place of power, where I was able to find the next step to achieving a life that I can now call my own. She supported me through each small change so that I now find myself in a completely new life, a life of beauty and truth.”
Coaching with Jessie May has been one of the best experiences of my life. The experience has allowed me to look at my life in a whole new way which has led me to make changes to become a much happier person!
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I love this. I think your drawing is perfect. We've discussed how I call my saboteurs my ego. I think this is nice though because it distinguishes between different criticisms that are being played out. Your advice is always helpful!
I love this too. Mine used to be a combination of all of the above – Not Good Enough, Anxiety, Self Critical, etc. I wish I had read this a year ago
Holly, thanks for bringing up the point that you call your saboteurs, your ego. I realize I should mention that “saboteurs” is what I call the self sabotaging voices, because that's how I leaned about it in my coach training….however, there are lots of names that can be used to refer to these voices, and you should use whatever resonates with you. Some other names I've hear people call their negative voices are: gremlin, boys in the back room, little devil on their shoulder…really, people should use whatever word they relate to best!