Now that you have met my saboteur, Controlling Clinton, and gone through the process of identifying your own saboteur, you may be saying to yourself, “That’s great, now that I know who my saboteur is, what the heck am I supposed to do about it?”
Worry not, my friends, here’s the part where you’re offered some tips to help get past your saboteur. Please remember, that by no means am I trying to tell you that my tips will banish your saboteurs once and for all. Those saboteurs are feisty little buggers who have worked long and hard to establish their identity. They are not going to be silenced by the push of a button.
However, follow the tips below to gradually quiet your saboteur’s voices by learning how to take back your control. When you learn to take back your control, you may still hear the voices, but one thing will change: you will no longer allow your saboteur to dictate your actions and keep you playing small. You will hear what they have to say and take action anyway!
5 Tips for Quieting the Negative Voices
1. Now that you’re aware of the degrading things your saboteur likes to tell you, devise a plan. Create a sentence or phrase that supports who you are, and when you hear your saboteur tearing you down, consciously replace your saboteur’s message with the new message you’ve created. For Example: If your saboteur likes to tell you that “you are unattractive and no one will ever find you desirable,” replace this with something like this, “I am beautiful, inside and out, and will find the perfect partner when the time is right.”
2. When you notice your saboteur acting up, take a moment to connect with your future self. Your future self is the most positive version of who you are, and all you aspire to be. Have your future self talk with your saboteur. She may say something like: “Listen here, Fearful Fiona, (your name) is a strong, courageous woman who is destined to create big things in her life. Back off and leave her the f*** alone so she can get on with her work!
3. Give your saboteur a job or a place to go, so it has something else to do besides eat away at your self-confidence and self-worth. For example: If your saboteur has been working hard all week, send it on a trip to the Bahamas. If you’re trying to work on a project, say applying to grad school, and your saboteur is chipping away at your confidence, give it a job. Send your saboteur off to research application deadlines.
4. Our saboteur voices are usually based in fear, whether they’re scared of loosing control, scared of looking like an idiot or scared of life not turning out as desired. When you hear your saboteur shouting at you to keep playing small, stop and ask this question: “Saboteur, what’s the worst that could happen?” Listen for its answer, then ask: “And if that happened, then what?” Listen for its answer again, and then ask: “And if that happened, then what?” Continue asking your saboteur this question until it is cornered and has nothing left to say. Once your saboteur has nothing left to say, you’ll probably find that the worst that could happen isn’t actually such a big deal – so move on forward despite the opposition from your saboteur!
5. Keep track of each time you hear your saboteur’s voice trying to hold you back, but you take action anyway. Every time you do this, is a baby step forward to playing big, being a Daring Diva, and creating that colorful, juicy, beautiful life you envision for yourself. Celebrate your effort and successes with something that feels nurturing. Get a massage, go on a walk in nature, throw yourself a party, or cook a nutritious and yummy dinner. You deserve to be acknowledged for all the hard for you’re putting into silencing your saboteur, so that you can move forward and create the life of your dreams!
Check out the other two articles in this series:
Please comment on the following question:
What have you found works best to quiet your saboteur voices?
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