It’s that time of year again, when many of us set New Year’s resolutions aiming to live happier, more fulfilled lives. Let me guess, your new year’s resolution probably falls into one of these popular categories:

You want to…

• Lose weight
• Eat healthier
• Get organized
• Quit smoking
• Quit drinking
• Eat less sugar
• Spend less money

We set these types of New Year’s resolutions because we think that if we achieve them, we’ll finally find that illusive state of happiness we’ve been searching for. And that’s what we ultimately want isn’t it? To be happy?

Here’s the thing: we have it backwards.

Unhealthy habits, like gorging on sugar and over spending, are symptoms of unhappiness, not the cause. We do these things to distract ourselves from feelings we’d rather not feel. These unhappy feelings are born from negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. Thoughts like:

• “Jane is so much farther ahead of me in her career. Why haven’t I been able to achieve success like her? What’s wrong with me?” (comparing ourselves to others).
• “I wish I had gone to Art School instead of following my parent’s dream for me to be a doctor. I’ve lost my purpose and now it’s too late to get it back. (dwelling on the past).
• “All of my friends are in happy relationships. Why haven’t I found the one? I’ll probably end up single my whole life.” (worrying about the future).

Many of us have thoughts like this running through our head like a broken record—and often we’re not even aware of them. Negative thoughts lead to unhappy feelings, which lead to unhealthy behavior to ease the pain of those feelings.

If we don’t break this cycle by tackling it at it’s root: negative thinking, we can set New Year’s resolutions until our heart’s content, but we will never achieve them.

My challenge to you—choose positive thoughts.

Choosing to think positively takes a great deal of self-awareness and practice, but it is within our power. The first step to more positive thoughts is to get off the negative thinking train. Do you ever catch yourself riding one negative thought after another and when you stop and think about it (if you do), you can’t even remember what started the whole mess? All you know now is that you’re unhappy and halfway through a jar of Nutella.

My challenge to you is to jump off the negative thinking train the second you realize you’re on board. With practice, you’ll get quicker at getting off. I sure have. There used to be a time when I would ride that train all the way through a pint of ice cream and whole box of cookies, which made me feel unhappy and miserable the next day. Now I’m able to get off the train before my negative thoughts drive me towards behaviors I’ll regret. Engaging in less negative thinking has increased my happiness by leaps and bounds. How do I do it? I don’t ride that train!

Here’s what has helped me:

Become aware of negative thoughts.

• Challenge yourself to pay attention to your thoughts for one week. Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, write it down. Don’t try and unthink it or suppress it, just write it down.
• At the end of the week, look over your notes. Do you notice a pattern? If you do, then be aware of this type of thinking.

Stop the train. How I stop my train:

• I say the word “stop” each time I catch myself thinking negative thoughts.
• I refocus my attention on the things I’m grateful for.
• I talk with my husband who always helps me shift my perspective to the positive.
• I remind myself of my priorities: feeling happy and leading a kick-ass life. The negative thinking train will not take me to my desired destination.

Spend more time doing things and being with people that bring me joy.

• This takes awareness. Pay attention to what/who lights you up and what/who snuffs out your light. Increase your time spent with people and things that light you up! This will naturally inspire more positive thoughts.

As you make your New Year’s resolutions this year, remember that happiness is rooted in your ability to maintain a positive mindset. If you can do this, you will be able to kiss your pesky bad habits goodbye!
Cheers to your extraordinarily daring life!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Certified Professional Co-Active Coach

Want personal support in leading a more daring life? Check out my coaching page for all the juicy details!

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